It's HERE! U2's Greatest Hits!!!

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Sun, 30 Aug 1998 17:03:28 +1000

"HI! I'm film and television star Erin Gray, and I'm here to talk to
you about a just SUPER compact disc set to hit stores this winter.
It's Irish pop group U2 with their collection of greatest hits EVER!"

"Wait a minute Erin, did you say GREATEST hits!?"

"Wow! It's 3rd Rock From the Sun's Joseph Gordon-Levitt! Hi Joseph!"

"Hi Erin, Hi gang!"

(audience chimes in) "Hi Joseph"

"Yes Joseph, i sure did say greatest hits"

"Wow!, thats U2-tastic!!"

"You can say that again Joseph! Remember this..."

(throws to the chorus of Pride, with some footage from R&H)

"And how about this great one...."

(cuts to chorus of Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For)

"I sure do Erin, but who could forget THIS one"

(cuts to Desire, when chorus is over, returns to Jospeph who is
singing along passionately with eyes closed and hands violently
strumming an air-guitar. Erin laughs in a non-staged and natural

"Oh, Joseph..."

(He returns to Earth, and is extremely embarresed - The audience
laughs a little to much to be natural)

"Sorry, Erin, they just have so many fantastic hits, I can't help it.
But you know what, i DO have one problem. I have this friend who
really likes U2, and I have no idea what to get them for Christmas,
which is fast approaching"

"That's O.K. Joseph, you can stop worrying because this great little
CD will be out JUST in time for CHRISTMAS!"

"WOw! Erin that's fantastic, thanks for setting my mind at ease"

"Now Joseph, being a big star and everything you would know a lot
about music and famous stuff. What's your opinion of U2's latest

"Well Erin" (faces camera wih a cheesy grin) "I know I'VE found what
I'M looking for"

(audience is rolling on the floor with laughter)

"But don't take my word for it..we vox-poped some people on the
street...let's hear what they had to say..."

"U2? Man they su...."
"U2's Greatest Hits album is the best thing I'VE heard this
"U2 are just super. I really like the way that little girl can get
her voice so high. She's amazing"

"So there you have it Erin, everyone loves U2's Greatest Hits album"

"That's right Joseph, and if you order now you too can win this
fantastic new thigh trimmer with an authentic fake U2 signiture. Or,
for an extra 50 cents, we'll throw in two sets of ice trays that make
little ice smiley faces. Nothing to do with U2 we know. But we don't
give a shit." (smiles) "We just want to unload as much cheap cop-out
shit into your home as possible"

"Well I have to go be famous somewhere else noe Erin"

"O.K. Joseph, and we have to wrap things up here too. So if you want
to buy this great new CD, just call 1-800-WASHED-UP, leave your
details with the operator and we'll send it out to you within three
months. Bye everybody! Buy Joseph!"

"Buy Erin, and I just want to say, I feel like a much happier person
now. I'm really confident and I can do things I couldn't do before"

"Well that's just too!"

"I love you Erin"

"I love you Joseph"

(they interlock arms)

"Bye now!"

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