Dublin news........

David Doran ([email protected])
Thu, 28 Jan 1999 11:05:12 -0000

>>
>>> Ireland for Beginners
>>>
>>> Pub etiquette:
>>>
>>> The crucial thing here is the "round" system, in which each
>>> participant takes turns to "shout" an order. To the outsider, this
>>> may appear
>>> casual; you will not necessarily be told it's your round and other
>>> participants may appear only too happy to substitute for you. But
>>> make no mistake, your failure to "put your hand in your pocket" will
>>> be noticed. People will mention it the moment you leave the room. The
>>> reputation will follow you to the grave, whereafter it will attach
>>> to your offspring and possibly theirs as well. In some cases, it may
>>> become permanently enshrined in a family nickname.
>>>
>>> Woolly jumpers:
>>>
>>> Ireland produces vast quantities of woollen knitwear and, under a
>>> US/Irish trade agreement, American visitors may not return to the
>>> States without a minimum of two sweaters, of which one at least must
>>> be predominantly green. Airline staff may check that you have the
>>> required documentation before you are allowed to disembark.
>>>
>>> Irish people and the weather:
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> It is often said that the Irish are a Mediterranean people who only
>>> come into their own when the sun shines on consecutive days (which
>>> it last did around the time of St Patrick). For this reason, Irish
>>> people dress for conditions in Palermo rather than Dublin; and it is
>>> not unusual in March to see young people sipping cool beer outside
>>> citypubs and cafes, enjoying the air and the soft caress of hailstones
>>> on their skin. The Irish attitude to weather is the ultimate triumph
>>> of optimism
>>> over experience: Every time it rains, we look up at the sky and are
>>> shocked and betrayed. Then we go out and buy a new umbrella.
>>>
>>> Ireland has two time-zones:
>>>
>>> (1) Greenwich Mean Time and
>>> (2) "local" time.
>>>
>>> Local time can be anything between ten minutes and three days behind
>>> GMT, depending on the position of the earth and the whereabouts of
>>> the man with the keys to the hall. Again, the Irish concept of time
>has
>>> been influenced by the thinking of 20th century physicists, who hold
>>> that it can only be measured by reference to another body and can
>even be
>>> affected by factors like acceleration. For instance, a policeman
>>> entering a licensed premises in rural Ireland late at night is a
>>> good example of another body from whom it can be reliably inferred
>that
>>> it is fact closing time. When this happens, acceleration is the
>advised
>>> option; shockingly, the relativity argument is still not accepted as
>>> a valid defence in the Irish courts.
>>>
>>> Traditional music:
>>>
>>> Many visitors to Ireland make the mistake of thinking of traditional
>>> music as mere entertainment. In some parts of Ireland this may even
>>> be an accurate impression. However, in certain fundamentalist
>>> strongholds such as Clare, traditional music is founded in a strict
>belief
>>> system which has been handed on from generation to generation. This
>is
>>> overseen by bearded holy men, sometimes called "Mullahs", who ensure
>>> that the music is played in accordance with laws laid down in the 5th
>>> century.
>>> Under this system, "bodhran players" are required to cover their
>>> faces in public. Other transgressions, such as attempting to play
>guitar
>>> in a traditional session, are punishable by the loss of one or both
>>> hands.
>>> A blind eye may be turned to the misbehaviour of foreigners, but
>>> it's best not to push it.
>>>
>>> Irish Dancing:
>>>
>>> There are two main kinds of Irish dancing:
>>> (1) Riverdance , which is now simultaneously running in every major
>>> city in the world except Ulan Bator and which some economists
>>> believe is responsible for the Irish economic boom; and
>>> (2) real Irish dancing, in which men do not wear frilly blouses and
>you
>>> still may not express yourself, except in a written note to the
>>adjudicators.
>>>
>>> The wearing of the green:
>>>
>>> Strangely enough, Irish people tend to wear everything except green,
>>> which is associated with too many national tragedies, including
>>> 1798, the Famine and the current Irish rugby team. It's possible that
>>> green just doesn't suit the Irish skin colour, which is generally
>pale
>>> blue (see Weather).
>>>
>>> Gaelic games:
>>>
>>> St Patrick's Day brings the climax of the club championships in
>>> Gaelic games, which combine elements of the American sports of
>gridiron
>>> and baseball but are played with an intensity more associated with
>Mafia
>>> turf wars. The two main games are "football" and "hurling", the
>>> chief difference being that in football, the fights are unarmed.
>There is
>>> also "camogie," which is like hurling, except that in fights the
>>> hair may be pulled as well.
>>>
>>> Schools rugby:
>>>
>>> St Patrick's Day also brings the finals in schools rugby, a game
>>> based around the skills of wrestling, kicking, gouging, ear-biting,
>and
>>> assaults on other vulnerable body parts. The game is much prized in
>>> Ireland's better schools, where it's seen as an ideal grounding for
>>> careers in business and the law.
>>
>>> It is well-known that St Patrick
>>> banished the snakes from Ireland. Less publicised is that he also
>>> banished kangaroos, polar bears and Vietnamese pot-bellied pigs, all
>>> of which were regarded as nuisances by the early Irish Christians.
>>>
>>> Signposting:
>>>
>>> In most countries, road signs are used to help motorists get from
>>> one place to another. In Ireland, it's not so simple. Sign-posting
>here
>>> is heavily influenced by Einstein's theories (either that or the
>other
>>> way round) of space/time, and works on the basis that there is no
>>> fixed reference point in the universe, or not west of Mullingar
>anyway.
>>Instead, location and
>>> distance may be different for every observer
>>> and, frequently, for neighbouring road-signs.
>>>
>>> The good news is Language:
>>>
>>> Ireland is officially bilingual, a fact which is reflected in the
>>> road-signs. This allows you to get lost in both Irish and English.
>>>
>>> Clothes:
>>>
>>> Visitors to Ireland in mid-March often ask: What clothes should I
>>> bring?
>>> The answer is: All of them!
>>>
>>> Religion:
>>>
>>> Ireland remains a deeply religious country, with the two main
>>> denominations being "us" and "them". In the unlikely event you are
>>> asked which group you belong to, the correct answer is: "I'm an
>>> atheist, thank God". Then change the subject.
>>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
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This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b2 on Wed Jan 27 1999 - 07:09:33 PST